Just How it Works Out

Well, I have resisted temptation and haven't bought the awesome amazing camera that I want so badly. But I still feel pitifully broke. I think soon I may need to seek counseling for my money anxiety. My theory is I was broke for so long that now that I'm actually saving money and not so horribly broke I still feel guilty and/or worried when I spend money on things besides food, bills, and gas. It is freakishly irrational and it leaves me unable to really enjoy what I have in life. I am constantly trying to justify a purchase or talk myself out of one. It is also negatively effecting my relationship and that is really unhealthy. I'm trying to cope with things and remind myself that I am budgeting accordingly, but it's really tough.

Oh yeah...

I've really been resisting the temptation to purchase this:



It would make me REALLY JOYOUS! A description and the incredible deal are listed here: http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16830113086&Tpk=nikon%2bd40x

Sadly, I cannot justify purchasing this beautiful camera.

Inspiration and Motivation

I need those two components in my job. Currently, I pretty much lack them. Rarely am I eager to go to work in the morning and continue a project. Wait-I don't have projects. I pay bills. All day. This makes me really dispondent and wanting more. The most exciting part of my day is going home.

There is a part of me that knows I shouldn't complain, but it is really difficult. I spend over 40 hours a week on this. I am just bored. It's 20 minutes to 10am and all I really want to do is leave. Do I stay for a year to build my resume or begin the job search again now? The question is not really that simple because there are tons of other variables to consider, but at the same time it is that simple. Sacrifice or flee?

In other news, my spirited feline, OZ is having stomach issues again. I swear everytime I start thinking about getting another pet God sends me a little reminder of what a hand-full I already have. I still love him and my boyfriend even more for being so patient and cleaning up most the messes. :) Overall, my life is great...I'm just uninspired and blah lately.

GoodReads

Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon by Marjorie Kellogg

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book was recommended to me by my voice coach in high school because the title shares my name, obviously. I was lucky enough to find a used copy of it at a library book sale one day. It is tattered and old but the story remains wonderful. This book will always be special to me because my voice coach has since passed.


View all my reviews.

Afraid of Being "Ordinary"

After writing that subject line I already want to dismiss the whole idea. What is ordinary and who has the right to define it? Barack Obama said in a Marie Claire article that his wife, Michelle is quintessentially "American" because she grew up with two working parents, loves the Dick Van Dyke Show and shops at Target. I will admit I meet two of those qualifications, but really?! Seriously, how can you define "American"? It's like describing "ordinary". So many things have been warped and rearranged that definitions are hard to make. Anyway, I fear that my life is ordinary. That my 9-5 is boring, uninspiring and pointless. I'm so worn down from "ordinary" life that I don't have the energy or motivation to be extraordinary. So if being ordinary is so damn draining; is it really ordinary? I have to remind myself of these things everytime I catch myself defining my life according to what I "think" other people's standards are. I realize that if I am following what I believe to by right and worthwhile, then I am happy. I might be stressed too, but I believe I am doing what I have to do for the time being. Maybe I will always be "ordinary" but at least I will believe in myself and be happy. Living up to my own standards is difficult enough without having to worry about other people. This is what has been on my mind this morning.