Monday, August 25, 2008

Just How it Works Out

Well, I have resisted temptation and haven't bought the awesome amazing camera that I want so badly. But I still feel pitifully broke. I think soon I may need to seek counseling for my money anxiety. My theory is I was broke for so long that now that I'm actually saving money and not so horribly broke I still feel guilty and/or worried when I spend money on things besides food, bills, and gas. It is freakishly irrational and it leaves me unable to really enjoy what I have in life. I am constantly trying to justify a purchase or talk myself out of one. It is also negatively effecting my relationship and that is really unhealthy. I'm trying to cope with things and remind myself that I am budgeting accordingly, but it's really tough.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Oh yeah...

I've really been resisting the temptation to purchase this:



It would make me REALLY JOYOUS! A description and the incredible deal are listed here: http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16830113086&Tpk=nikon%2bd40x

Sadly, I cannot justify purchasing this beautiful camera.

Inspiration and Motivation

I need those two components in my job. Currently, I pretty much lack them. Rarely am I eager to go to work in the morning and continue a project. Wait-I don't have projects. I pay bills. All day. This makes me really dispondent and wanting more. The most exciting part of my day is going home.

There is a part of me that knows I shouldn't complain, but it is really difficult. I spend over 40 hours a week on this. I am just bored. It's 20 minutes to 10am and all I really want to do is leave. Do I stay for a year to build my resume or begin the job search again now? The question is not really that simple because there are tons of other variables to consider, but at the same time it is that simple. Sacrifice or flee?

In other news, my spirited feline, OZ is having stomach issues again. I swear everytime I start thinking about getting another pet God sends me a little reminder of what a hand-full I already have. I still love him and my boyfriend even more for being so patient and cleaning up most the messes. :) Overall, my life is great...I'm just uninspired and blah lately.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

GoodReads

Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon (Aerial Fiction) Tell Me That You Love Me, Junie Moon by Marjorie Kellogg


My review


rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book was recommended to me by my voice coach in high school because the title shares my name, obviously. I was lucky enough to find a used copy of it at a library book sale one day. It is tattered and old but the story remains wonderful. This book will always be special to me because my voice coach has since passed.


View all my reviews.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Afraid of Being "Ordinary"

After writing that subject line I already want to dismiss the whole idea. What is ordinary and who has the right to define it? Barack Obama said in a Marie Claire article that his wife, Michelle is quintessentially "American" because she grew up with two working parents, loves the Dick Van Dyke Show and shops at Target. I will admit I meet two of those qualifications, but really?! Seriously, how can you define "American"? It's like describing "ordinary". So many things have been warped and rearranged that definitions are hard to make. Anyway, I fear that my life is ordinary. That my 9-5 is boring, uninspiring and pointless. I'm so worn down from "ordinary" life that I don't have the energy or motivation to be extraordinary. So if being ordinary is so damn draining; is it really ordinary? I have to remind myself of these things everytime I catch myself defining my life according to what I "think" other people's standards are. I realize that if I am following what I believe to by right and worthwhile, then I am happy. I might be stressed too, but I believe I am doing what I have to do for the time being. Maybe I will always be "ordinary" but at least I will believe in myself and be happy. Living up to my own standards is difficult enough without having to worry about other people. This is what has been on my mind this morning.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The States

I need to get out more
Make yours @ BigHugeLabs.com
Make yours @ BigHugeLabs.com


I have driven through a couple more, but I didn't count them. Also, in many of the states I haven't seen nearly anything the states have to offer. Oh well, I have time!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Uh...Semi-Daily Cheerful Moment


Ok, so maybe they won't be daily.....

But these blondies are worth the wait. The picture and the recipe for them are available at Velvet Lava.

I have made them twice with just the white chocolate chips and they are SO good. Especially warm with some vanilla ice cream. As an added bonus the author of this blog is really clever and fun to read. Plus, there are tons of other baking recipes to try that aren't too difficult.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Daily Cheerful Moment

I need to have at least one cheerful moment all to myself everyday. Usual it is simply achieved by the smell of one of my favorite lotions, looking at a picture of someone special to me and so on. Every now and then I am lucky enough to have many cheerful moments to myself in one day! I would like to share them. Maybe they'll make you cheerful, maybe not. But I'd just like to share what makes me cheerful in a simple glance, sound, smell, taste or whatever it may be. Most the time I like to share them, but usually people aren't excited by them as I am. Really, that just makes them all the more special to me. Like it's something created just for me (even though it obviously isn't).


The FIRST "Daily Cheerful Moment"

I love My Paper Crane

Her original arts and crafts are so simply, but also inspiring and happy feelings enducing. I think they'd be perfect for a child's room or something.

Throwing It All Out There

What about Photography? Could I seriously pursue that as a career?? Everything holds way too much potential and excitement for me!!

Something funny happened yesterday, but now I cannot recall it. There are a few gems recently posted on Icanhascheezburger.

Here is a picture from our anniversary on Sunday!


Maybe after today the contest between Obama and Clinton will finally be over. The Dems really need to focus on booting the Repubs from the White House. There are conflicting opinions on whether the Primaries are too long for Dems. I think the Primary is important, but I do believe solidarity within the party needs to be increased. And soon.

Monday, June 2, 2008

currently

Obsessing over animals. I've even gone so far as trying to quit eating meat. It has been difficult to say the least. Especially with summer cook outs. But Bryan and I are trying. We've tried quite a few different vegetarian brands of mock meat and stuff. We still eat eggs, dairy and seafood products so we're hardly vegan or anything. It has been interesting and challenging so far. I've been eating a lot more seafood than usual. I'm still debating on whether or not I should even eat seafood. Sometimes I feel hypocritical but I think it is such a grey line to what is inhumane and sanitary and what is not.

I found a Veterinary Technology Program at CCBC Essex but there wasn't a whole lot of information on the website. It will be difficult for me to go back to school because of work and financing MORE education, but I'm looking into it. It's difficult not to be discouraged because I have so many hurdles to jump to get back to school. That and I want to make sure I really will pursue whatever I go back to school for.

On another note, Bryan and I celebrated one year together. We aren't married or anything but we live together so it was a pretty important milestone for us. We went to lunch at P.F. Changs in Baltimore, then unto Body Worlds, then to see Indiana Jones. It was a really good day and we're super in love and mushy mushy blah blah.

Body Worlds was cool but after one plastinate they all sort of looked the same. I know that sounds really ignorant, but I am pretty ignorant about muscles and anatomy. Besides, I was a little unsettled by the babies. I hope they weren't real, but Bryan said they were. The body is so complex and amazing was my conclusion from the exhibit. Who knew? I think if I had a personal guide through the exhibit it would have been more informative and uber cool, but the displays didn't offer much written text or explainations of what we were looking at. Not helpful for a dunce like me.

The movie was really cool but really exhibited Spielberg's obsession. I don't want to spoil the movie or anything, the plot was a little unexpected but still really good. It has that classic Indiana Jones music and sound effects that I love.

Friday, May 30, 2008

school

Over a month since my last post. I'm bad at these things, I can't focus. But for the past week I've been thinking a lot about school. I want to go back and study in a specialized program. Maybe Nursing. Maybe Veterinary Technology. I want a career.

Not a job.

It seems like a lot of people believe that is too idealistic and impractical. Well, I guess that is just me. Always dreaming and asking "what if?" I can't help it. There are too many options, too many opportunities. I need to explore them.

I need to follow through on a goal. I think of ideas but hardly ever set goals. Maybe that is my crutch. I need goals. One step at a time. I get overwhelmed and give up. It needs to stop.

I realize I have a lot of limitations that are the result of my past decisions, but I have to stop letting them get in the way. Those things really worthwhile aren't available without a struggle.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Shattered Dreams

Ok, maybe that is a teenie dramatic, but I was frankly shocked. The landlord declined to acquiesce my request to adopt a dog. Flat no because legally there aren't supposed to be more than 2 or 3 pets per household. She said 2 on Friday, but Bryan's dad who lives in the same neighborhood says it is 3. Either way, including my lion and her 2 rats we have 3 pets. ::sigh:: I am still a little sad about the whole thing, but keep trying to remind myself it is for the better.

In other news Oz has developed strange wounds on his leg that I am keeping a close watch on. Bryan bought a PS3-totally unnecessary but kind of cool.
I finally watched Enchanted and it was over the top cute.

Back to work.

Friday, April 25, 2008

working up the courage

Last Christmas I wanted something really really really bad. So much I called my parents everyday like any annoying salesman trying to self a lifetime supply of toilet bowl cleaner. I was that annyoing. Then, Luke checked with the landlord and my dream was over, done with. He said I couldn't have a dog to bring me happiness and love. ::tear::

I grew up always having a dog in the house so I really miss the companionship. I was pretty upset about it but figured it was for the best since I wasn't in my new job quite yet and not making much money. Now I'm in my new job and living somewhere else. Well, this apartment is really small but it hasn't stopped me from wanting a dog. Since it's a small place I decided I want a small dog instead of a big one as originally planned and I also decided I want an adult already house trained instead of a puppy. The problem? I'm afraid to ask my landlord since I already have a cat. We payed a pet deposit and she has two little yourkies herself, but I'm still afraid there is the chance she'd say no. She's really nice and laid-back....I'm just a big chicken. I want a little dog to greet me when I come home and pet and wash and take on walks sooooooooooo bad. I'm looking heavily at shih tzus because they're more mellow for small dogs, not so yappy. And some are a decent size so it'd be bigger than Oz, my cat. Ugh I've thought about this so much and deliberated about whether or not I'm ready to give up certain freedoms for having a dog and YES YES YES I'm ready. I know there will be tough times but the rewards will be so worth it. Now, just to work up the courage to talk to my landlord....

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Needing a vacation

I'm sure most people feel the need for a vacation, but whatever. Not to sound spoiled although I know that is how I'll sound...Disney World last summer and Ocean City the summer before that didn't feel like real vacations. I'm not a parent yet so vacationing with little ones isn't exactly fun to me....yet. It has it's moments but not when they're crying or being difficult. Also, when I'm broke and generous family members practically pay for my vacation I shouldn't complain!!

This summer I really really want a relaxing but also enjoyable and memorable vacation. But alas I don't think I'll get one. In between visiting family and friends on top of not having any vacation time, I don't think Bryan and I will get a vacation this summer. Maybe I'll try and squeeze in a short beach weekend if we have the money for those expensive hotels.

The trips I have in mind so far are:
Mom and Dad's a couple times
Camping Memorial Day Weekend
Jennifer's Party June 21st
Visiting Mary and the girls for a long weekend
Visiting Jennie and Charlie in July or August

I wish I could afford to visit more people and places but I haven't the time or money. Also, Bryan's schedule makes it difficult to make plans in advance and save for. Blah. So with warm weather slowly creeping into Maryland I am dreaming of all the mini trips I'll take this summer and trying not to think about the office I'm stuck in Monday-Friday. If only I could vent about my new job....the work is great, I'm catching on well. The environment on the other hand leaves much to desire. Hello real world? I don't know...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Curious Oz

My cat is the typical curious cat, he is nosy about everything. Any door; he has to see behind it.

The other night was cold in the apartment so Bryan and I turned on the space heater. Well, apparently we turned it on too high because it burnt a fuse. Being in a new place we didn't know where the fuse box was. First, we looked in the utility closet and there was a locked box. Then, we looked in the garage and of course the light in the garage was on the same fuse that burnt. And I can't find the flashlight. Fun stuff. Bryan lights a candle and I continue to look for a flashlight. I find a book light, genius!! I go into the garage equipped with my LED booklight and find Bryan unable to figure out which fuse is broken. I make my way over there and find which fuse is broken, we fix it and proceed to go back to bed.

A few minutes later we hear a mad scrambling of little dog feet and barking. Our landlord has two little yorkies. Then, it occurs to me. Where is the cat?! The whole time we were trying to fix the fuse Oz kept trying to get into the garage and the door that led from the garage into our landlord's house...was open. Freakin Oz snuck into her house! So just to be sure Bryan and I search all 20 feet of our apartment and can't find Oz. What are we going to do?! Our landlord didn't wake up with all the commotion?! We have no other choice but to go into her house and find our maniac cat. I was being loud to try and wake up our landlord so she didn't think we were creeps and Bryan was trying to stealth it. Well, we get up stairs and see Oz on the windowsill trying to bat at the poor dog running in front of the window. I hear a yelp from the dog right before Bryan grabs Oz and our landlord finally wakes up and comes downstairs. Luckily, she was super understanding about it and didn't get mad. Though I doubt she'll ever leave the garage door open again.

Oz thinks he's a ninja....

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Busy happenings

When aren't we busy? We people...

Bryan and I got really lucky and found a really small but affordable place. It's in a great neighborhood, quiet, closer to work and Bryan's Dad. Major bonus cause they give us free food and parental love. Cause let's face it; Bryan and I are hardly ready to be full blown adults. Are any of us ever ready? So, after all the annoying moving and swearing not to move again for 5 years we're finally pretty settled. Things are still a little cluttered and there aren't any pictures on the wall, but it feels like home.



Happy, Content and Goofy.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Jumping...thats what my brain does

One minute I'm daydreaming about summer, the next searching for blogs written by American Soldiers or trying to find a cool song I heard on a commercial. Don't bother to ask me what I'm thinking because I could probably give you 10 answers and you'll most likely be bored. I probably only concentrate when I need to.

Unattractive: Walking down the street watching a guy grope and fondle a girl's gluteus maximus. Not so cute. This wasn't like he was playfully resting his hand there, it looked like he was either scratching an itch for her or trying to shove his finger somewhere. Yah.

Nothing amusing has happened to me lately. Unless hitting your brand new car into a bunch of "decorative" logs in your parents' front yard or slaming into someone's rear end because you forgot to put your car in reverse is funny... I didn't really get angry about either one, but now the new Jetta feels a lot like the old one and I feel better about it. Maybe it's karma.

Bryan and I are moving into an efficiency type apartment next weekend. We're both really excited. Luckily, there is a seperate room big enough for my bed, so it won't be like we're eating, sleeping, lounging, and gaming in the same room. Yay. I need to purge my things and go into organization mode. I may have freaked Bryan out a little when I tried to explain that I'd LOVE if he brought his ENTIRE movie collection over to our new place, but that I'd really like it if they weren't exposed... I'm sure he understood that real well. I like stuff, I just don't like stuff in every nook and crevice. We'll be living in a teenie tinie place. I like -ie rather than -y.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Failed

Such a negative word, but true in this instance. I should have known better. I've already missed a few episodes of American Idol and can't stop shaking my head about the contestant who was supposedly a stripper in the past. I should have known American Idol, like so many other interests of mine would fall to the way side, so to speak.

I started my new job last Monday. So far, the woman training me has either been on vacation or at school. Basically, I've been reading a lot or idling hours away on the interwebs. Yesterday I learned a little about the databases I'll be using and that was kind of cool. The process doesn't seem as convoluting or irritating as the last invoicing position. So far I haven't wanted to bang my head against a wall. This, is a positive sign.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I swear...

this guy on American Idol looks freakishly like Justin Timberlake.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Dreaming of the lottery

Paying bills always depresses me and snaps me back to reality. On a better note, I start a new and promising job on Feb. 25 in Baltimore. I'm pretty excited about it because I had to pass a background check to make it. I guess there are no major ghosts in my past.

I watched this show today on A&E about flipping houses. It's such a risky business but I think if you weren't totally money hungry it'd be great. But, people just want more and more so end up making poor investments. It's frustrating to watch. I wish I had the capital to start a venture of some kind. I'd love to do something for myself, by myself. It'd be gratifying and fulfilling. Until then, I stick to the 9 to 5.

I have to constantly remind myself that I'm making moves or I become depressed and stuck. I know it's going to take a few years, but I'm going to make sacrifices and get out of the hole. Definitely.

Moving on.....

Since the writer's strike I stopped watching Grey's and Ugly Betty. So basically, I stopped watching television. Now, I don't even know if I missed new episodes or not. Then, the American Idol auditions came back on and I watched them. This year I may actually try to keep up with it instead of flipping the channel once the hilarious although degrading auditions are over. Some of the contestants are interesting and I want to see what America thinks. It'll be a sort of social experiment for me. See if I can predict who America will be most like to vote for based on media influence and common bias. I don't mean bias in just a negative way either. Towards the end I hope to form my own opinion on whether or not American Idol is based on talent or not. Hopefully talent.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Elladesya

The name of my WOW character is Elladesya and she is a Draenei Mage. Yayah. Or something. I can't believe I started playing this game and I hardly know anything about it, but Quests are fun! I guess it was only a matter of time considering I have a favorite game on Nintendo DS, Wii, PSP, PS2 and Xbox 360. What has become of me?!?

In other news, the fridge in the house is busted and that means a lot of expensive eating out. I just went grocery shopping before it broke, too. Joy and joyness. (I obviously enjoy making up words). Today I'm being cheap and eating Ramen for lunch and probably dinner.