Broken Record

I've said it once; I've said it a million times. I have the hardest time figuring out where I want my professional life to go. The past month or so I've been focusing on the Navy, going in as an officer. I've spoken to a couple recruiters, written and motivation statement, and started working on my physical shape. That is very far. After I sent a draft of my motivational statement it took him almost 2 weeks to get back to me and all he said was "looks good"...wow, big help. If he thinks I don't have a chance to get in as an officer I wish he'd just tell me so I can stop wasting my time. I think the reason I turned to the Navy is I'm seeking some kind of personal fulfillment in how I make a living. I'm apathetic and despondent about my current career path and I don't particularly want to continue following it. I struggle with my desires and being practical. I wanted to go into Public Affairs in the Navy but have the understanding that it's an elite club where no one ever leaves and few get to join. So with that in mind I have lost a lot of interest in the Navy. Being a Surface Warfare Officer would be really cool because I'd get to travel a lot and learn a lot of different skills, but nothing focused. I would come out of the Navy with general knowledge and leadership skills. Valuable traits I know, but I just don't want to go back into some office setting with a focus on something I don't really feel passionate about.

I go back and forth (and I mean back and forth) between goals and desires that is frustrates the hell out of me and I imagine people don't take me seriously anymore when I talk about another one of my crazy ideas and lofty goals. I start out strong and burn out quickly. Once I reach a hurdle, I just quit. Or sometimes it isn't even a hurdle. Sometimes it will be the result of daydreaming about another path I could take. I have so many interests that I can't focus on one and make it a reality in my life. I have career ADD, if that exists. All I know is I don't care about my current job. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel so much TENSION here, but I do. I'm thankful for my job; I thank God everyday for a steady paycheck. But the poison at work is leaking into my personal life. No bueno. The distraction of wedding planning has been nice, but we're putting off the wedding until next year for a reason! Because there are other more important things we need to focus on right now.

So believe it or not I have another goal in mind besides the Navy. I have identified the problem: I'm seeking professional fulfillment. Now I need to find the most practical way for ME to achieve that. I can reach it in many many ways, I just need to narrow down the goals and choose one that is practical for me, both financially and personally. I don't want my fears and feelings of inadequacy to hold me back.